Sunday, February 19, 2012

Thoughts On Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom

I can't take any credit whatsoever for this Top 10.  I saw it on Facebook, and when I Googled it, I found it on a number of blogs, too.  But I thought it worth sharing, because it touches on a number of my own insecurities. 

1. When the kids are older, do you think you'll get a real job?
How June Cleaver of you!
Oh, so you don't work?
Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen brownies for the bake sale tomorrow?
All day with your kids? I can't even imagine.
I'm jealous. I wish my husband were rich so I wouldn't have to work either.
What do you do all day, anyway?
I'm sure you're not the only one who's ever wasted money on a college degree.
That explains why your son is so clingy!
Weird. I assumed your house would be super clean.

You can see the Top 10 for working moms here.

I  have a degree that I've never used, I don't work outside the home, and largely, I spend my days however I please, playing with my children, reading, messing around on the computer, and crafting while my husband goes to work.  So sometimes I feel guilty that I have it so easy.  Sometimes I worry that I don't do enough.  I almost always feel guilty when I want to go do something by myself, to get a break.  After all, I'm blessed to be able to stay home and spend so much time with my children.  So am I spoiled?  Probably.

But, I most definitely do work, and I work hard.  If I were doing for another family what I do here--the cooking, cleaning, and childcare--I would be making a LOT of money doing it.   And as with any other job, I have good days and bad days.  My "co-workers" have good days and bad days.  There are days that I want nothing more than to pass the parenting baton off to Brandon as soon as he walks in the door because I've had it up to HERE and I am DONE, but I almost never do.

This post has no target. I'm not responding to any provocation, accusation, or judgement. I am most definitely not complaining.  (I LOVE being a SAHM, and I wouldn't change anything!!)  I simply wished to share my thoughts.  What are yours?


  1. Pretty much the same here. On one hand, I've done the professional working thing and every woman in the office said they regretted working. I also know how much it costs for me to have an outside job and how tired I was at night. I was a nanny one summer and I saw how the kids adored me and wanted to snuggle on the couch with me because I filled the role of mommy during the day and loved those kids like I would my own. I was a damn good nanny and the mom loves how much I cared for her kids but also confided her jealousy that they were attached to me. Of course they loved her too but I spent 10 hours a day with them while they were awake and exploring the world. I knew right then, at 19 years old that a) I wasn't ready for kids anytime soon and b) that I wouldn't have children unless I would be the ones raising them.

    On the other hand, I see working moms get to go out because they don't have that intense urge to be with my family every second of day. I mean, I still have to force myself to do stuff with just my mom. I feel guilty about spending time away (especially since I think I should be productive whenever I have the chance) and I feel guilty for spending any money on myself. Ive also noticed a few working moms take sick days and drop their kids off at daycare then go back home to sleep. I'm so jealous of that! Sure I play outside, watch shows I like, and experiment in the kitchen, BUT it is always with a toddler at my feet. When I'm sick, I have a toddler right there with me. It sucks and if I complain, working moms tell me how easy I have it. I never mean it as a debate, because I don't view working moms as lazy or unloving or anything negative. I just see the green grass on the other side of the fence sometimes and then feel sorry for myself.

    I'm still super happy with my life, but I have my moments. Like when silas is having an exceptionally emotional day and the house is a disaster. I end up feeling like a loser because a few a$$holes out there tell me how easy I must have it since I'm home all day. Yes, it might seem easy but with a daredevil 21 month old expert climber and toy thrower, I cannot clean as fast as he destroys. I do what I can and most days go to bed happy and satisfied, but we all have those days and then when someone makes a comment about us wasting our time or not being productive, it is irritating!!

  2. My advice is, be aware that you are blessed in staying home. Be proud that you made that choice. Be productive. Treasure each moment, even the not so great ones. Make memories.

  3. I feel the same way Adrienne as I think most stay at home moms do. Jon has had the kids all day by himself when I worked on Saturday's and he knows what my days are like! He used to call and whine about when was I coming home that they're killing him!

    When he got back from Afghanistan we went to the commissary all together and I asked if he was staying in the car with the girls while I ran through. He looked at my me like why would I do that? It was an awful commissary trip; the girls were horrible. I actually said to Emily, " are you effing serious?" at one point and then almost cried because I said that out loud. Jon eventually took them outside to wait for me. When I got out to the car he asked if this is how it was when he was gone for the past 9 months. I told him yes. A lot of the time. He totally saw my days differently and my "job" differently. He's always been good about taking care of them if I want to go out to shop or something which I know I'm lucky because a lot of husbands get pissy about that. So my whole point of that is this: I care what he thinks. just him. And he knows how hard it is to be with them 24/7. That my days start early and end late. He knows that his coworkers don't cry when he doesn't give them something but mine do. His coworkers don't pee their pants or spill yogurt and milk down their shirt 2 times in one day but mine do. His coworkers don't shred a croissant in the living room and try to cover it up with toys. I could go on and on about the differences of working and staying home! But you know them.

    Care only what your husband thinks. But if he thinks you sit around eating donuts and watching Army Wives all day then he needs a good smack:)

    p.s. of course I care what others think but really this is the one area I am more concerned with what my husband thinks.

  4. I think you have the most important JOB in the world! It doesn't pay much, but the rewards are beyond measure. I happen to be one your biggest supporters, not to mention a member of your fan club. :]

    Love you,

  5. Thanks for sharing, ladies! I knew I couldn't be alone in my feelings. Jennifer, I'm terrified of the time when Brandon will have to go back to a ship! I know I can handle the shorter under-ways, but I'm dreading the inevitable deployment...

    Staria, you and my mom are co-chairs of my support group/fan club. When Bran does go back to sea, I'm going to be relying (heavily) on the two of you to keep me sane. :)